


Lupus Luna

by Mmoon_dust



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A little angst, Happy, Jealousy, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-08-27 07:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16698481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mmoon_dust/pseuds/Mmoon_dust
Summary: Remus Lupin is the Chosen One.Sirius Black is his sworn enemy.Well, at least that's what Remus thinks. In his first year, Remus promised himself to find out about Sirius' evil doings, and later on, his ties to You Know Who. Tracing Black and hunting him like a wolf has been his hobby, and ever since then, he has not found himself a new one. That is, of course, until the tables turn and Sirius suddenly starts following every step Remus takes.- Fifth year, Roommates, Hate-to-Love, Enemies, Lovers, Fights, Romance, Spin-the-Bottle, Friendship, A Heart Warming Small Story -





	1. Remus

Sirius Black is a nightmare.

I don't speak metaphorically, because he  _ **is**_ always in my nightmares. Like yesterday, I was fighting a Faceless You Know Who, and all of a sudden, he shows himself in the graveyard. He starts laughing at me about my effortless hair, ugly face, and I just lose. You Know Who ends me, and before he does, I happen to realize that Sirius is evil. I die in every nightmare he's in. 

I finally wake, and the first thing I do is to look around. Due to my embarrassing condition, I don't have roommates. Everyone thinks Dumbledore's kissing my ass and doing me favours because I'm the Chosen One, but I wish it were that. The truth is much more brutal.

I get up and look at myself in the long mirror. My light brown hair looks more ginger than it should today. The scar on my face is not new, but it looks like it. I keep touching it and do myself no good. My eyes are tired. And, of course, I have navy pyjamas on with wolves on it.  _How pathetic,_ I think. 

It's six in the morning and I don't have lessons today until eleven. I don't think many people are in the Great Hall right now, so I decide to walk and have breakfast there very early. I don't like the crowd. I don't like Sirius' eyes teasing me to fight him, duel him in front of everyone.  ** _I am not going to do that,_** I say to myself every time he messes with me. I've never failed, not yet. It's hard to get me to lose my temper, even when Sirius tries to get on my nerves. One time, two years ago, he told me he saw a wolf in the Shrieking Shack and that he'll tell it to attack me, in a funny manner. I punched him in the face that day, but I could swear he _knew_. I could swear his eyes looked wiser than ever that day. I punched him - not because he got to me, but because I was afraid that he'd tell everyone **_Remus Lupin is a werewolf._** He did not. And as days passed, I realized we were just kids. That stupid bastard knew nothing. Now, as the fifth year is here, I have different and more important responsibilities. I promised myself to not bother myself with Sirius and his stupidity.  

I get in my Gryffindor robes and walk to the Great Hall. I'm hungrier than ever - breakfast is a must for me. That's why I always have it so early in the morning. I can't let Sirius or anyone else get to me and ruin this beautiful mealtime.

The Great Hall is, however, surprisingly not as empty as I thought it would be. Lily's there, as the only one around the Gryffindor table. I look over at Slytherins and see him. I can even feel his disgusting aura. Sirius, his best friend Potter, and their dog, Pettigrew. It is miserable to see how they use that little boy for their likes. Sirius and James are the kings of Slytherin. They are the kings of Hogwarts. I love Dumbledore deeply, but he never got in Sirius' business. I once tried to tell him that Sirius is going to be a Death Eater soon, but he just told me  _Sirius is not a danger to you._ It was funny how that bastard could manipulate even the most powerful wizard. Did that make  _ **him**_ the most powerful? 

Nah. He's just an asshole.

My eyes catch him, and for a moment I feel like attacking. I feel like the animal in me will come out. But it doesn't. Sirius just smirks and bows his head like he's greeting me. "Fuck off," I say under my breath. It's impossible, but he grins even more, as if he heard me. I turn my head back to Lily and sit next to her. Thank Merlin, our seats make us turn our backs to them. "Morning, Evans," I say.

Lily doesn't look up from her study book. If I know my lectures well, she's studying Potions. "Morning, Moony."

I smile. Lily's my best friend. My only friend. It's ironic, really. You expect The Chosen One to have millions of friends, or even enemies - but I only have one friend and one enemy. "Which classes do you have today?" I ask, even though I already know her schedule. Chit chat with Lily always brightens my day. 

"None." She says.

I blink once with surprise. "What?" I say, more of a reaction than a question. "How's that possible?"

"Dumbledore's asked me," She turns her head to eye Sirius, "and that moron to do his 'very important' business." She actually makes two bunnies with her hands when she says  _very important._ "So I won't attend classes today. Good that you asked, though. Can you take extra notes for me?"

I nod, but I'm still surprised. "Yeah, yeah," I say. "You  _and_ Sirius?  ** _Why?_** "

Lily shrugs. Her ginger hair dances on her shoulders. "I've been asking myself the same question for the last week."

"You knew this for _a week_ and never told me?"

She looks at me in a bossy way. "Remus," she says. "Look at you. You can't even sleep because of him. Thinking about his non-existent traps. His evil being. You're behind your classes because you search for him here every night. If I told you, we both know what your reaction would be."

" _And_ what would that be?" A voice asks behind us. Not a voice. A shitty Sirius Black voice. I turn around to face him, and before Lily can stop me, I say, "That I would kill you before you can kill my best friend with your Death Eater friends."

He grins. Never laughs, that bastard. His face is only capable of grinning. "Is that a threat?"

I stand up to face him. My only perk against him is being taller. "Take it as you wish," I say. 

"That's what I always do," he replies. Then he turns to Lily and ignores my hateful looks. "Dumbledore's waiting. We should be there in five minutes."

Lily stands up and packs her bag. She takes a final sip from her orange juice and turns to me. "Don't worry about me, Moony." She says in confidence. "Dumbledore needs us. I'll find you when I'm done."

"Yeah,  _Moony,"_   Sirius says mockingly. "Don't worry about us."

I don't even look at his face anymore. By the time Lily's still slowly packing her bag and Sirius waiting beside her, I start walking outside the Hall. I look at him one last time and murmur, "Nobody's worried about a Death Eater."


	2. Lily

**LILY EVANS**

**One Week Ago**

People call me smart. They call me intelligent. Full of wit. Charming, even. They expect me to be very happy when I hear their  _kind_ words. They expect me to bow down, accept their compliments, smile. And nothing else.

I know they pity me. Even the best teachers look at my exam results and say, "Well done, Lily! Your results are extraordinary for a Mu-" 

And they never finish their sentence. They apologize and say nothing else. Sometimes I can't tell if they were meant to say  _Muggleborn_ or  _Mudblood._ Muggleborn is kinder. Not that anyone should say it out loud to differ me from other wizards - but I know they will either way, so Muggleborn is preferable. Mudblood, however, is an insult. I've been insulted loads of times. After you start year five, you get used to it. I don't care about filthy Death Eaters and Voldemort's followers speaking behind my back. I already have two very important people beside me: Remus and Dumbledore. I don't need anyone else.

When Sirius Black comes to the Potions Class as if he projected an  _Enter like a Drama Queen_ spell, I immediately realize his business is with me. He grins at me like he'd been waiting for this moment for years. "Excuse me, sir," he says to Professor Slughorn. "Can I take Lily Evans for a moment?"

Professor Slughorn stops talking to students about Felix Felicis and turns to Sirius. "Who?" he asks. "Lily?" His finger shows me. "But she can't leave the class!"

Sirius casually puts his hands in his pockets and smiles. "Why is that, sir?" He seems to enjoy Slughorn's child-like nature. _What a bitch_ , I think, but never say. Slughorn looks at me with his big eyes. "She happens to be my best student, my boy! Come, sit and watch for yourself!" But Sirius is already by the door. "No, thank you, sir," he answers. "I really need to take her. Dumbledore's orders."

That catches my attention. Dumbledore, the righteous hand of Hogwarts and unofficial protector of Remus and me. How could he ever order something to _Sirius Black?_ Slughorn looks at Sirius for a second, as if he saw something peculiar in the boy - then returns to his casual self and nods. "If Dumbledore asked," he says and looks at me. "Off you go."

-

We've known each other with Sirius for five years. I was never close to him, but last year after the  _incident,_ we talked about it. He was the only one who showed me kindness and cooled everyone off about it except for Remus. I don't even count Remus, though, because he wasn't even there that day. _The first day of Christmas_. I never mentioned it to Remus - the incident itself, I did, of course, because he knew, because everyone spoke of it - but talking to Sirius, I didn't. I knew he'd go nuts if he knew. I don't feel bad about it. Everyone knows I hate talking about what happened.

Thanks to being in the Quidditch team, no one outcasted me or boo'd at me from Gryffindor. I like my friends in Gryffindor. I've never heard them say Mudblood, or even Muggleborn when they mentioned me. I mean, who cares if I'm a Muggleborn or not?

The Death Eaters do.

Well, whatever. Most information I have about Sirius comes from Remus. Remus is definitely  _obsessed_ with Sirius in a negative way, but I never tell that to him. He thinks Sirius' plotting against him, working with Voldemort to end Remus slowly. Even _I_ don't believe that. Yes, Sirius has a dark side, and yes, his family's known for being Death Eaters and racist, but Sirius doesn't seem like the type. Or maybe I'm being too soft because he showed me the tiniest bit of kindness last year.

But to me, compared to his other two companions, Sirius seemed better.

"What does Dumbledore want from us?" I ask him right before we walk into Dumbledore's office. His hands are still in his pockets. I seize him to see if he looks as evil as Remus says. He's wearing a black sweatshirt and black jeans. His hair is loose and almost in neck length. For the first time ever, I see his grey eyes in a closer look - tired, and funnily enough, not quirky. "I'm no God, Evans," he replies. Then grins. Life comes back to his eyes. "Even though girls tell me I am."

Ugh. Merlin's beard. "That's pathetic," I say. 

He shrugs. "I'm pretty sure it's about your Golden Boy."

I look at him, confused. "Huh?"

" _Moony,_ " he impersonates me. "What Dumbledore wants. Of course. Who else would it be?"

I laugh. I really do. _"_ What the fuck," I mutter, not as a question.

He smiles at that. "Wow, Evans. Stop cursing or I'll think you're flirting with me."

"Yuck," I say. "I'd never flirt with you."

"And why is that?" He smiles. "Oh, right," he snaps his fingers. "Of course. Because you're dating the Chosen One."

I look at him. " ** _No_** ," I snap. "I would never flirt with you anyways," I continue. Does he really not know that we are only best friends with Remus? "The Chosen One is my best-" I stop. I don't say anything else.

_The Chosen One is my best friend._

_The Chosen One says you're a Death Eater._

_The Chosen One's obsessed with you._

I just say one thing. "Stop messing with me."

He seems like he wants to hear what I was going to say, but he doesn't force me. "Whatever you wish, Evans." he says. "Good to know the Golden Boy's single," he continues to warm it up. "You know, he needs a girl that's _not_ you."

That, I _could_  agree with. I nod. "Good point," I say, and nothing else.

And when we walk to Dumbledore's office, I regret ever asking him a simple question.

**NOW**

**_Dumbledore's Office_ **

"Did you do what I asked for, Sirius?" Dumbledore asks kindly. His beard is longer than ever and he looks very stressed. When I see Dumbledore stressed, I fear for my life. If even the most powerful wizard on Earth is scared, then why shouldn't I be? "Yes, Professor," Sirius says, and it surprises me again, like every other time, when Sirius shows respect to Dumbledore. I thought the Black family hated him, before these two weeks. I might still do. Maybe Sirius' the only one who doesn't.

"That's great news," Dumbledore says. "And what did you find?" 

"He's dead," Sirius says. "Voldemort killed him as everyone thinks." I get surprised when he says Voldemort's name. Death Eaters don't do that. But in the end, Sirius is not a Death Eater. Not yet.

Dumbledore puts his hand on his chin. He considers it for a moment. "Hmm," he says. "Are you sure about it? Certain?"

"Yes," Sirius says. "I asked Regulus."

Regulus is Sirius' younger brother. He's evil, as Remus tells me, but Remus tells me Sirius is evil, too, yet Sirius seems like everything _but_ that right now. Either way, all I know about Regulus is that he's in Slytherin and he's younger than us. 

Dumbledore walks to his chair but doesn't sit. "If Regulus says so, then it must be correct, yes." He says thoughtfully. "But then who is coming here to hurt Remus? If it's not Fenrir Greyback, then who is it?"

I move forward. "Maybe it's Voldemort, Professor?"

Dumbledore shakes his head and smiles at me, desperate. "I'm afraid that's not possible, Lily, my dear." He says. "Not now. He's not strong enough. Not yet." Then he looks at Sirius and stares at him for a good two minutes. Sirius looks at me, concerned. In just a week, I got to know more about him and all I can say is, he's just as obsessed with Remus as Remus is obsessed with him. I don't know what that means yet, but I know that it isn't good. 

"I have a job to give you, Sirius," Dumbledore says finally. "Would you be so kind and do it?"

Sirius nods. "Yes, Professor. Whatever you need."

 _Why is he helping?_ I think to myself.  _Why is he helping Remus?_

And a feeling comes to me. This can't be good, I feel. Can't be good. What if Sirius is up to kill Remus? What if he's up to know Dumbledore's plans and stab us from the back when we least expect it? 

But then, Dumbledore would know. Why would he even risk it all and trust him?

"I need you to look out for Remus. Be his roommate."

And everything stops. Sirius and I both look at each other. We both say one thing at the same time: " _ **No."**_

Dumbledore smiles. "You must, I'm afraid," he says. "I know what Remus thinks of you. You're the only person he will not suspect. He wouldn't suspect you're there to protect him."

"Yes," Sirius says, this time very angry. "Because he'll suspect I'll fucking kill him!"

I cough. " _Language_."

He closes his eyes and breathes. "Are you sure you want me to do this, Professor? How is that even supposed to happen when I'm in Slytherin and he's in Gryffindor?"

"Remus doesn't live in the Gryffindor dormitories," Dumbledore says, and that catches Sirius' attention. He looks surprised. Dumbledore continues when he doesn't answer. "He has every password and right to go there, even sleep sometimes if he wants to, but his permanent room isn't there."

I can't believe Dumbledore. How can he say all these things to Sirius, our _enemy_? Remus' nemesis? How could the most powerful wizard on Earth do such a mistake to bring Sirius Black and Remus Lupin sleep together every night?

"I didn't know that, sir," Sirius says. "Can I ask why?"

Dumbledore smiles. "No," he says, a smile on his face. "You can not," he says. "Now, off you two go. Lily," he looks at me. "Watch out for your best friend. Not because I want you to, but because you should. And Sirius," he turns to Sirius then. "No need to pack your things. Just tell your roommates I assigned you for homework that requires living alone. Don't tell them you'll stay with Remus. James will respect it, and with Peter... I'll know how to stop him from wondering." He walks towards Sirius and pats his shoulder. "And," he leans in closer to Sirius' ear and tells him the place Remus lives. He thinks I don't know it, but of course, I do. Remus is my best friend, I know where he lives. 

"Be there at nine o'clock."   


	3. Remus

  **REMUS**

  ** _Nine o’clock_**

 

I am almost asleep. It had been a long day, and I only have a few days until the full moon, and this time of month always tires me the most.

But of course, I dread on my bed unwillingly when I hear a knock on the door. The knock could either be Lily, who is most definitely in her room studying right now, or Dumbledore, who never comes to my room but sends an owl from the window to not be seen by others. Especially this time of day.

I stand up, look at myself in the mirror — I am wearing my wolf pyjamas as usual — and I open the door.

“What the fuck?”

I can feel my heartbeat getting faster. My face goes red, and I am scared for life. I think about casting a spell, maybe freezing him, but I don’t. Instead, I curse like an idiot.

Sirius grins at me. “What’s up, Golden Boy?”

I don’t understand what the actual fuck is going on. How is he _here?_ My face must show my shock because Sirius continues with his classic sarcastic tone. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I keep staring at him, startled. “How did you find this place?”

He shrugs and invites himself inside. When he walks in, he looks around and whistles. “You’ve got a big room here,” he says. Then he looks at the only bed in the room and raises an eyebrow. “Dumbledore was supposed to send another bed.”

I raise an eyebrow, still not understanding a thing. “Dumbledore?”

He turns to me. “Aaah, _Moony,_ ” he says, making fun of Lily’s way of saying it. “Why do you look so grim? I’m your new roommate!”

He pats on my shoulder, but I shrug him off. “My _what?_ ”

He grins again. “You heard me,” he says. “I was just as surprised as you, but Dumbledore’s orders, my friend. No can do a thing about it.”

I might die right now. Dumbledore, _our_ Dumbledore, made Sirius my new _roommate_? That could not be true. Dumbledore knows how much I hate Sirius, and he also knows his family’s history. Not just history. They were still all Death Eaters.

“This must be a joke,” I say.

Sirius shakes his head and sits on my bed. “Come on,” he says. “Didn’t think you’d be so sad to see me.”

I walk towards him and shove him away from my bed. “Get up,” I say. “This must be a misunderstanding.” When he stands up, I push him towards the door and look at him one last time. “Please don’t tell anyone else about this place,” I continue. “And please leave.”

He shakes his head again. “I guess you didn’t listen correctly,” he says. I didn’t, of course. It’s Sirius who’s talking. He’s planning to kill me, to poison me, to destroy me. He’s with _them._ Not with me. He walks in again, but doesn’t sit on my bed this time. He simply stands, looking right at me. “Dumbledore ordered this. He didn’t tell me why.”

I look at him suspiciously. He’s lying. I know he’s lying, because I’ve spent my five years analysing his facial expressions, and he always makes this _serious_ and _interesting_ expression whenever he’s lying to someone. He knows exactly why Dumbledore sent him, but I can see that he’s not going to tell me.

“We can go to his office and ask him in person if you’d like,” he continues when I don’t say anything, his hands in his pockets. He’s still in his daily clothes. “But my stuff will be here in a few minutes, with magic, and you know us students can’t do magic outside of class.”

I look at him, confused. “So?”

“So,” Sirius says, “Dumbledore sent me here. He’s also sending my stuff with magic. I’ll be your roommate this entire year.”

I close my eyes tightly. This can’t be true, no. Sirius, of all people, can’t be my roommate. What if he kills me at night?

Or, what if I turn into a wolf and kill _him_?

What if he sees everything?

I open my eyes and find him staring at me, grinning. I roll my eyes. “Alright,” I sigh. I still don't believe it, but what can I do? He's not even leaving. “Sleep on the ground.”

“Hah,” Sirius says, not laughing. He never laughs. “Sure thing, Golden Boy,” he turns away and looks at the ground. He seizes how he’ll sleep on it, but what’s funny to me is that he just accepted it without objecting in any way.

“We will keep ignoring each other in the daytime,” I say because if I don’t, I’ll feel bad.

He looks up at me, and his grin is wider than ever. “Have we ever really ignored each other at any time of the day?”

I don’t say anything, but roll my eyes. I walk back to my bed and get inside it. The door is still open, because Sirius is waiting for his stuff to come, and the next morning I’ll officially have him as a roommate if what Sirius is saying is true.

I close my eyes tightly and wish for two things.

One, I hope this is all a dream.

Two, I hope Sirius doesn’t kill me if it’s not.


	4. Remus

**REMUS**

 

When I wake up, it takes me a while to actually open my eyes and see things.

Every morning, I try to remember what I’ve dreamt the night before, because I know I’ve certainly dreamt something. Last night, I dreamt of Sirius. _Again_. But this time, it wasn’t as scary as the usual ones. Usually, my nightmares would evolve around Sirius, and I would die finding out he’s been the _bad guy_ all along. Some nights, I finally see Voldemort’s face and it’s Sirius. I know it’s stupid.

But last night, I dreamt that he was in my room. He seemed — I don’t know— _nicer,_ and he was telling me he’s my new roommate. I didn’t believe him, but he insisted, and I let him stay. Thinking about it again, I realize it wasn’t even a nightmare — it was only a dream.

Until I _do_ open my eyes and see him sleeping on a bed across mine.

I rub my eyes and look again, to make sure it’s real, and it’s definitely real. He’s inside my room, on a bed I’m not familiar with, in his black pyjamas, sleeping. “ _Fuck_ ,” I murmur under my breath, and get up. I know I look dirty, with my messy hair and bad breath— I _feel_ dirty, but I don’t care. I walk towards him, slowly, and stare at him sleeping. Is he really sleeping? Is he even here?

What the hell happened last night?

I stare at his face, and the first answer I get is: Yes, he is sleeping. He looks like a cat on the bed— motionless, dead-like, eyes closed but ready to fly open in the slightest of noise. He looks… Vulnerable.

The only thing that comes to my mind is to kill him.

It’s a stupid thought, I know, but I just can’t believe he knows where my room is. It seems the _dream_ was actually reality, and the reality is this: Sirius Black knows where my room is, he learned it from Dumbledore, and he’s my roommate now, and I can’t do anything about it.

I just can’t believe he’s in here, sleeping, _without_ my permission. This is _my_ room. I don’t care if what he said last night is true — I don’t fucking care if Dumbledore _forced_ his ass to sleep with me, this place belongs to _me_. It’s the only thing I have. And I can’t believe Sirius Black takes _even this_ away from me.

I walk back towards my bed and check the time. It’s six in the morning. I’m early as always. We have two hours until classes begin.

I take my towels, clothes and underwear, then get in the bathroom and close the door. I lock it, funnily enough. I’ve never locked my bathroom door for all the five years of being in Hogwarts, but considering that my sworn enemy is _sleeping_ in the next room, I should be cautious.

I take off my clothes, get inside the shower and wash. I don’t stop the water for a solid ten minutes and make sure I’m fully clean. I then get out and brush my teeth, wash my face, wear the clothes I brought in, and dry my hair. It takes me longer than usual to get ready today, but I don’t question it much.

When I get out of the bathroom, Sirius is still sleeping. I roll my eyes at him, as if he could sense it— I _want_ him to sense it, then I prepare my books for today.

I will see Potions with Professor Slughorn, which is a common class we take with Lily, and that’s a relief, because I’ve missed her. Ever since this Dumbledore business has begun, she’s been keeping me off, and I simply don’t understand why. She told me it’s because _I’m too obsessed with Sirius,_ but that’s not true. It’s not.

At the beginning of this year, I promised her to stay away from Sirius, and not follow him— because I _used to_ follow him around, purely because I wanted to stay alive and not be backstabbed by him unknowingly. I didn’t want him to think I was an easy piece.

But fifth year is important, and so I made a promise to Lily. And I did, really, keep that promise.

It’s not my fault that Dumbledore has decided to put him in the same room with me. I don’t even know _why_ he’s done this _._ I’m sure Lily does.

After I’ve prepared my bag, I get in my Gryffindor robes and take a final look at Sirius. He’s still sleeping, his long hair made up in a bun, his face smooth and peaceful— and I all want to do is to kill him and be rid of all the troubles to come.

But I can’t kill him, of course. I haven’t even found evidence that he’s certainly evil.

“Until then,” I murmur under my breath, and leave the room. It will be a long day.

 

——

 

I see Lily right away when I enter the Great Hall. After I wave at her, the next thing that comes to my mind is to look at the Slytherin table. Not to see Sirius, but to see someone far more problematic for us. Not for _us_ , no. For Lily.

It had been a while since I last saw Severus Snape. He always hangs out alone, eats his food alone— I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would have invited him over and be kind to him, _if_ he hadn’t done what he did to Lily last year. Now, I can punch him in the face. And Lily tells me I’m even _more_ peaceful than she is. Imagine that.

He’s there, and he looks right up at me when he feels my gaze. He looks away in shame and keeps eating his food. _Yes,_ I think to myself. _Be fucking ashamed._

Severus Snape might be the only person on my blacklist to be above Sirius Black.

I sit next to Lily, and say, “Hey,” with a sincere smile. I want her to feel comfortable. I want her to feel safe with me. I’m a fucking werewolf, for fuck’s sake. It’s not fair that that asshole doesn’t say anything to me, but to Lily. Funny thing is, he even knows that I’m a werewolf. He’s the only one except for Dumbledore and Lily to know. “You okay?”

Lily takes a bite from her bread and nods. Her hair’s in braids today, and it looks amazing. “Yeah, Remy, don’t worry about it,” she says calmly. I just admire how chill she is.

I nod, then put my bag aside. I take a few slices of bread and sausages to my plate and start eating. “Ehm,” I cough, trying to be subtle. “Tell me about that thing, then.”

She doesn’t look at me, but raises an eyebrow. “What thing?”

I don’t want to show her my anger about this situation. She’s probably just obeying Dumbledore, for I’m sure Dumbledore told her to not say anything to me, but I just can’t hold myself. “The Sirius Black thing.”

Her raised eyebrow fades and she keeps eating as if she expected something more important. As if _this_ isn’t a big deal. “You mean the roommate thing?” She asks casually. I nod. She takes a bite from the croissant. “I tried to stop Dumbledore, Moony, I really did, but he trusts Sirius. I can’t tell you why he did this.”

I look at her sideways. “He _trusts_ Sirius?”

She nods. “More than he trusts me.”

I turn towards her and stare at her blankly. “You’re not joking.”

She nods again. “I mean,” she takes a sip from her orange juice, “I’ve spent the last week with Sirius, and he seems like he is, actually, trustworthy. He’s doing whatever Dumbledore says.”

I turn back to my food, but I don’t eat. I simply, blankly stare. “It’s all an act,” I say. “I can’t believe Dumbledore’s foolish enough to trust—”

“Don’t say that,” Lily interrupts me. “Honestly, I used to think you were obsessed with Sirius, but seeing him, the feeling is mu—” She stops herself and stays like that for a second. “Err,” she takes another sip, “You know. He’s… Just not that bad.”

I don’t look at her. What the _actual_ fuck is she talking about? Lily, my best friend Lily— she used to _hate_ each and every one of those guys. She used to _hate_ Slytherins in general for being racist assholes. What… I don’t understand. What has gotten into her?

I hide my gaze from her and get up. I really don’t want to argue with her, knowing she’d win it, so I just take my bag and say, “I gotta go,” without looking a second time at her. I turn and walk outside the Great Hall. I hear her shouting, “Remus, wait!” But I don’t stop.

I need to know what Sirius is up to.

 

——

 

I look around if anyone’s passing by at least a hundred times before I magically make my room appear on the wall, then I get in and close the door behind me as fast as I can.

When I get in, I look at the extra bed that’s not supposed to be here, and at the extra person that’s _definitely_ not supposed to be here. He’s still sleeping, even though classes begin in forty minutes. Maybe he’s the kind of guy that wakes up five minutes before class and still looks amazing without any effort. I roll my eyes at the thought.

I walk towards him and poke his arm. “Hey,” I say, in an attempt to wake him. He murmurs something I don’t understand, but doesn’t wake up. Then I poke him again, this time almost pinching him, and he lets out an “Aw!” And opens his eyes.

He looks at me sleepily, then puts a pillow on his head to avoid talking. “What the fuck,” he murmurs, obviously half sleeping. He pulls the pillow more to himself and his voice becomes deeper than before. “Get out.”

I pinch his arm again. “This is _my_ room,” I say, angrier than I expect. “ _You_ get out.”

When he doesn’t say anything, I push the pillow away from his face forcefully and he half-opens his eyes, looking at me suspiciously. He stares at me for a few seconds, then raises an eyebrow. “You’re not James.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”

He looks around slowly, taking all the information in, and finally realises what he should realize: He’s not in his room in the Slytherin Chambers, and his roommate is not James. “ _Fuck_ ,” he says to himself. He rises to his feet and scratches his head. “I thought that was a fucking dream!”

I look at him. _Me too,_ I think of saying for a second, but I don’t. Instead, I sit down on my bed and look at him. “We need to talk.”

He doesn’t look at me. He walks towards his suitcases that lie on the ground and opens them. He picks a black boxer, a pair of black skinny jeans and his Slytherin jumper. He must feel my gaze on him, because he finally looks up. Half a second later, he grins. “Don’t stare for too long, _Moony,_ ” he chuckles. “Many girls tried and fell.”

I roll my eyes. I think of a few replies to make him shut up, but I don’t say any of them. I don’t want to fight him, not today. I want to _understand_ what the fuck is going on. “Sirius,” I say. It’s a name that’s on my mind all the time, so it’s the weirdest thing to say it out loud. I feel weird. “We need to talk. Please.”

He looks up at me when I use the magic word. He raises an eyebrow, measures me, then looks right at me again. “What exactly—” he says, then stops himself. “You want help in writing a love letter or some shit?”

I frown in confusion. “Huh?” I ask. I try to understand what he’s saying, but I don’t. “The fuck are you talking about?”

Sirius rolls his eyes and sits on his bed with his clothes squeezed in his hand. “Never mind,” he says. “What do you want to talk about?”

I nod at myself. “Yeah,” I say. “Err, I want to ask you something,” I say. I gather the thoughts together and ignore Sirius’ curious face staring at me blankly. “About Dumbledore.”

Sirius looks at me questioningly. “Aaaand?”

I sigh. “Why did he put you in the same room with me?”

Sirius grins then. He sighs in relief and leans back. He puts his hands above his head and folds them together. “So _that’s_ why you’ve been acting all love hearts,” he says, and I act like I understand what he says by nodding. His grin grows wider. “You’re that scared of me, huh?”

I look away. I know he’s daring me to argue— he’s _that_ kind of a bastard, but I don’t let him. “I just…” I begin. Then I look up at him. “I’m not afraid of you or anything. I just don’t understand why he chose _you_ , of all people.”

Sirius stares at me, but doesn’t answer. Instead, he watches me for a second, as if trying to solve a puzzle, with his wide frown and deep eyes— then, he casually rises to his feet and goes to the bathroom with his clean clothes in hand. “Well,” he says as he enters the bathroom, “Ask that to Dumbledore. My mouth is zipped.”

I look at where he just was on his empty bed, and sigh. How can Dumbledore trust _Sirius Black_ about something, and not tell me a thing about it?

My heart aches. So Sirius is going to play all innocent. I realize nothing will come out of him. I’m pretty sure his act will continue until I start _trusting_ him or something.

What he doesn’t know, is that I’d _never,_ not in a million years, trust Sirius Black.


	5. Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something wicked this way comes.

**REMUS**

 

When Sirius spends at least twenty minutes in the bathroom, my plans on following him _in secret_ just fall apart. I _must_ follow him— to see what he’s up to, but I planned on following him in secret. Since he’s already late to classes, I can’t really go to classes anymore.

And I can’t act like I’m going out and then follow him. He would notice.

So I just wait. When he gets out of the shower with only a small white towel to cover his lower body, I look away. The last thing I want to see is a naked Sirius right now.

“Why aren’t you in class?” He asks casually as he shakes his hair with his hands.

I look at him, confused. “Um, none of your business?”

He laughs and walks back into the bathroom to get his clean clothes. I watch him carefully as he unfolds the boxer and puts it on whilst the towel is still attached to his body. I can’t hold it in and add, “Why did you take the clothes with you if you were gonna dress here?”

He doesn’t look at me. He grins. “You _really_ are obsessed with everything I do, huh?”

I roll my eyes and don’t reply. I’m not _obsessed_ with anyone, I simply stated the situation I saw. Not that it’s any of my business, anyway. He’s right. I don’t fucking care. Whatever.

When he turns back towards me and lets go of the towel, I unwillingly gasp, thinking he accidentally dropped it. But then I look at his face, and he’s laughing, so I look away. “Don’t be so shy, Moony,” he says whilst I’ve already turned around and am staring at the wall. Seeing Sirius naked only for one second is enough to me for a lifetime. “You’ll have to get used to it.”

I close my eyes. “I’m not getting used to anything.”

“Aw,” he says mockingly. Then, to acknowledge me, he adds, “Alright, I’m dressed.”

I turn back to him and measure him from top to bottom. “You’re late to class,” I say unnecessarily.

He laughs. He always has this annoying smirk, but right now it’s way too much that I can punch him at any given second. “Thanks for reminding me, mum.”

Ugh, I hate him so much. I don’t say anything else and get up. I make my way to the door and look at him right before I leave.

Then I make my way outside, but he holds my arm and stares at me. “Remus, I…” He trails off. He looks at his hand gripping my arm, and then he lets go of it. He isn’t grinning anymore. “I think you should talk to Dumbledore.”

I look at my arm, then back at him. I nod. Then I leave the room.

 

Of course, I don’t go to classes. It’s stupid of me— I’m the best at all of my classes except for Potions (Lily is best at that), but still. It’s stupid to miss out on a class just for _Sirius._ But what I do is for a good cause, I remind myself. I _need_ to know what Dumbledore wants from Sirius— how Dumbledore can _trust_ Sirius, and since Sirius doesn’t tell me and just asks me to _talk to Dumbledore,_ I must follow him now. I know Dumbledore too well. If it’s _me_ that’s in danger, he’d never tell me anything. And it looks like I am, again, in danger.

So I need to find out what’s going on by following my enemy.

As I wait on a bench in one of the corridors, I rise to my feet when I see Sirius going to the other direction. He doesn’t see me, and I sigh in relief. I keep the distance as far as possible, and I walk behind him.

He walks and walks through the crowded corridors and stops when he bumps into Marlene McKinnon. He drops his empty bag, then hugs her. I watch them quietly from afar. Marlene is a very beautiful girl, with red hair, light brown eyes and in general, a very kind face. She’s always been very kind to me. She kind of reminds me of Lily.

The weird thing is, I didn’t know she was close with Sirius. I know _everything_ about Sirius, but I didn’t know this. Marlene’s in Gryffindor. Sirius hates Gryffindor. This is weird.

They talk, all very intimate, and they look around as they whisper into each other’s ears. I try to imagine what kind of things he must say to make Marlene shiver like _that_ , but I just don’t have the biggest of imaginations.

“You’re a stalker.”

I jump out of my skin when I see Regulus Black standing right next to me. How did he even come without my notice? I look at him sideways, and try to keep my breathing straight. “You scared me.”

He laughs. “I scare _everyone,_ ” he says, but there’s nothing bitter about his tone. He sounds happy, even. His laugh turns to a smile, but his smile doesn’t look like Sirius’ annoying little smirk. Regulus smiles like he knows things. It’s crooked. “Why are you stalking my brother?”

I don’t look at him. We stand next to each other, as if we’re both watching a play, and that play is called _Marlene and Sirius Flirting_. I mean, I can do anything I want, but I don’t like that Regulus is right here, diving his nose into things he shouldn’t. “Why do you care?”

He puts his hands in his pockets. “He’s my brother,” he says. I look at him, unconvinced. He sighs. “Believe it or not.”

I know what he means. I, of course, _know_ they’re brothers. I just don’t believe they love each other. Regulus refers to that.

I watch him for a small second to see any kind of similarity with Sirius, other than the fact that their faces look so much alike— but I just can’t. They both have black hair, however Sirius’ is long and wavy, unlike Regulus. Regulus’ is short and straight. They both have grey eyes, but it looks different on both of them. Grey eyes make Sirius seem eccentric, while it makes Regulus look scary.

I shrug and keep staring at Sirius and Marlene. “I need to know things.”

Regulus snorts. That’s not something that I’d expect from him, though. He gestures toward them, and says, “You mean Marlene and Sirius?”

I look at him blankly for a second, then when I understand what he means, I reply with a hurry, “Oh, _no_ , no— I couldn’t care less about who Sirius dates— I just need to know… Something else.”

Regulus looks at me suspiciously. “Oh,” he says. “Okay.”

Then he puts his hands in his pockets and leaves without saying anything. I watch him walk away, and think, _What a weird family._

When my eyes turn back to Marlene and Sirius, Sirius is already gone. I curse under my breath. _Damn it._

I walk towards Marlene to ask her where Sirius left, for there’s no trace of him in the corridor, but before I can make a move, Marlene screams and makes everyone turn toward her.

As others stare in shock, Marlene flies— yes, flies— to the ceiling, and her arms fly open, as well as her legs. Her mouth widens, but she doesn’t scream or shout. Her eyes are searching for something, and they stop when they find me. She stays that way for one second, close to the ceiling, and then she falls down.

Her fall is so hard I literally hear the bones cracking.

I run towards her and take her in my arms. “Marlene!” I cry, but her eyes are closed. I get up and carry her in my arms as I run towards the nursery. As I run, I can hear some students crying and some shouting for help. I can also see a bit of Marlene’s face as I watch the way I’m going, and I see the blood that comes running down her nose.

No.

Tears rush down my face but I ignore them as I get inside the nursery. Two nurses help me put her down on a white bed and push me away, but I don’t get out. I stand where I am, not moving. I can’t move.

“Is she okay?” I ask, but my voice comes out like a five year old.

I’m shaking. I can feel something dizzy in my heart but I don’t acknowledge it.

I can’t say anything. The nurses don’t reply to me— they’re too busy with Marlene, but there’s nothing to be busy about.

I look at her, my eyes blurry from the tears, and it’s clear as day.

She is gone.

Marlene McKinnon died in front of my eyes.


	6. REMUS

**_CHAPTER SIX — REMUS_ **

 

It has been three days since Marlene McKinnon died. People have been asking me questions. No, not people. The teachers. In the end, they’re the ones who know I’m the _Chosen One_ for sure. They’re the ones who know I’m a werewolf and that I’m probably in danger. Probably.

They’ve been asking me if I knew her personally, or if I’ve been close to her, blah de blah. I wasn’t close to her. I didn’t know her personally, no. She was a good person. A very kind housemate. Nothing else. She was nothing but another human who didn’t deserve death.

The first day, I cried, cursing myself to death. It is my fault. I knew this. Everybody did. They still do.

That’s not where it ends, though. It has been three days since I last saw Sirius. Usually, I’d be happy about this. Really happy. But considering he’s my _roommate_ now, not seeing him even at night— that wasn’t good. To be honest, it actually sucks.

I’ve got this heaviness in my chest. It makes me want to vomit. I want to know where he is.

If you’re curious, I did, in fact, look for him everywhere. Not because I’m worried about him or anything, but because the last person Marlene talked to was _Sirius._ I’ve never believed he was innocent, but now— now I am sure he isn’t.

So, I did look for him. I didn’t sleep for two nights, just waiting for him to come back to his room. _At least sleep_ , _goddammit,_ I thought all the time. But he didn’t come. He was a pain in the ass.

It’s been three days since I last saw him. I wonder how he found out. I wonder if he really knew.

I really want to believe he’s the reason Marlene is dead. That way, I would know my enemy. That way, I would know who to target. That way, I would be right. All this time, my hate towards him would have a reason.

But something inside me worries he suffers his friend’s death in the worst way possible.

—

It's been six days.

It’s the day of the full moon. I have to go to the Shrieking Shack and stay there the whole day, or I will turn into the werewolf I truly am and hurt someone. This is a routine, so, my day is planned. Lily knows. We’ve talked with her on the day of Marlene’s death. She stayed with me at night with Dumbledore’s permission. Other than Lily, though, I don’t think anyone would notice me gone.

The only person who would, is missing, too.

It’s currently 7:05 in the morning. I already had my breakfast, so I’m headed to the Shrieking Shack. I’m planning on lying there the whole day, chained, on the old bed they put there for me. And still, all I can think about is Sirius. 

When he was there, bothering the shit out of me in the Great Hall, or when he came to my room, _surprising_  me, telling me he's my new roommate- I _hated_ him. Hate even might be an understatement. 

And now- now that he isn't here... I don't know what I feel. Honestly, I'm just worried. 

As I walk outside, I can’t help but look for him. _Maybe he’s here somewhere,_ the voice inside me says, but I know he isn’t. He’s… Gone. And the only person to realise it is me.

No one else.

As I walk inside, the last thing I expect is to see someone inside the Shrieking Shack. This place is mine only, sadly, and it’s forbidden for anyone else to enter.

 _But_.

He’s right there, sitting on my bed, head down to the knees, hands folded together. He is sobbing.

It’s Sirius. Or I’m dreaming.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

He looks up, and as he does, I can’t help but realize the bags under his eyes. He looks tired and defeated. When he sees me, his eyes widen. “ _Remus_?”

I toss my bag away and fold my arms in front of my stomach. “ _What_ are you doing here?”

He looks at my bag, then back at me, still shocked that I’m here. That I found him. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“I asked first.”

He hesitates. He breathes heavily. He’s shaking. “I needed to be alone,” he says. “You can tell Dumbledore that.”

I laugh. _Fuck you_. I didn’t come here looking for him. I came here, because this place belongs to me. I’m here, because I fucking have to be. “I didn’t come here for _you_.”

He raises his eyebrows, but this time, he doesn’t look cocky. His expression’s like a little puppy. “Why then?”

“None of your business,” I snap. “But you need to leave. Now.”

He doesn’t respond to what I say. Instead, he looks at me, my clothes, then at the bag I tossed away. “Why aren’t you in your school uniform?”

“I told you,” I say. _Be cool, Remus._ I can feel the sweat rolling down my nape. “None of your business.”

He closes his eyes and sighs. “I can’t deal with this bullshit,” he says, angry. “Not today. Not today, okay?”

I look at him. I know I’m in dangerous territory, but I can’t help it. We’ve known each other for years, but I haven’t seen him this sad. Not ever. I haven't even seen him  _sad_ at all. 

It’s saddening. It’s interesting.

The heaviness in my chest is back. _Fuck_ this.

I keep standing. I keep staring. “Have you been here all six days?”

He lets out a small laugh. “Have you been counting?”

I look around as I think about running away and turning into a werewolf in the forest. Facing Sirius is, trust me, way harder. “Kind of,” I admit silently. “You’re my roommate. I was…” _Worried._ “Wondering where you’ve been.”

He smiles, eyes still closed, one hand on his forehead. “Stop lying.”

“I’m not lying.”

He shakes his head. A small grin appears on his face. He— He doesn’t look— he isn’t really— _Fuck_. What the hell is wrong with me?

He doesn’t look _that_ bad. At least today. Or maybe it’s just pity. I guess it’s just pity. Yeah.

He looks at me, suspicious. “You here?”

I realize he’s been talking and shiver and look at his eyes. “Ugh— I—” I mumble, “Whatcha say?”

He sighs. “I said if you think I killed Marlene or something, just fuck off.”

“I _don’t_.” I blurt out without thinking.

 _I don’t?_ I ask myself.

Then what’s the reason behind all this?

He nods. “Alright,” he says awkwardly. He looks at me. “Why were you here again?”

“I…” I try to think of a lie. Nothing comes to my mind. All I can think about is how I waited for him for two nights, sleepless, tired, and worried. I was afraid he was hurt. And he's here. He's been here all this time, and I couldn't even think of it. 

I’m an idiot. He's fine. I have to stay away from him. “I can’t,” I say. “Please— just go. And don’t come back.” I stare at him. I can cry. Maybe I even am. “Please.”

He stares back, not saying anything for a second. Then he looks around. He looks at the chains on the ground. The bed, the wooden chair. He looks at the room. Only a second, and his eyes glimmer with knowledge.

The knowledge of why I’m here. He looks back at me.

He stands and walks up to me. He’s a few inches shorter, so he looks up to stare into my eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says. What he probably means is, _You are a werewolf. And that sucks. And you suck. And I feel sorry for you._

I nod. “Me too.”

What I mean is, _Me too._

Then he leaves.


	7. SIRIUS

**_SIRIUS_ **

Everything is so fucked.

I mean. Everything was already fucked in my life, but everything is more fucked now. More than ever.

I haven’t been feeling myself lately. Yes, I’ve been hiding in the Shrieking Shack. And yes, I just wanted to be all alone by myself— I could always run away from everything, from Hogwarts, but where would I go, really? My parents hate me. If my father saw me come home at this time of the year, he would’ve killed me.

The Shrieking Shack was my best option.

I didn’t take anything with me— except, I took my toothbrush and toothpaste, I’m not a disgusting piece of shit like that. I came here and stayed for six days. Funnily, there were chains, food and an old bed here. I used them. Not the chains, of course. Whatever.

I cried, too. Just to get it out of my system. Marlene’s dead, and I don’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t know who the fuck killed her. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel but I know that this all has something to do with Remus, and that means it has something to do with me.

After our conversation with Remus in the Shrieking Shack, I leave him there.

 _I’m sorry,_ I tell him. Because I don’t know what else to fucking say. What I mean then, is, _I’m stupid for leaving you alone like this. I’m stupid for making you feel all alone, when all this time, I could’ve known. The signs were all there._

But I didn’t say those things. Of course I didn’t.

Now, I’m running. Because that’s the only thing I can do. And I have to see Dumbledore. I must be frowning, because I hear someone shout behind me, “Hey, Black! What the face for, man?”

I don’t turn around and waste my time answering anyone. I head straight to Dumbledore’s office.

When I make it there, I don’t care if he’s busy or any bullshit like that— I just get in. Luckily, like the great wizard he is, he’s sitting on his chair, hands folded together below his chin, looking at me. He’s been waiting for me.

I stare back at him, face still frowning. I try to calm my breathing and say, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looks at me curiously. I know he knows, though. “Tell you what, Sirius?”

I move around, one hand on my waist and the other on my forehead. “ _He_ is the werewolf!” I shout. “WHY didn’t you tell me, Professor?”

Dumbledore slowly stands up. “It was his secret to tell, Sirius,” he says. He walks towards me. “I’m sorry you had to learn it this way.”

I shake my head. This isn’t possible. All this time, all this quietness bullshit I used to think was because of his introvert-ness or insecurity or some bullshit like that— he’s been the werewolf I saw that night two years ago. _He_ was that werewolf. That was it. Not the introvert-ness or insecurity or other bullshit. He’s been quiet and reserved like this because he _has to be_.

Fucking hell.

I want to take him into my arms and tell him it’s okay, it’s fine, I’m there for him and I’m not leaving, I’m there to distract him from whatever pain or shit— I take a deep breath. “Since when?”

Dumbledore puts a hand on my shoulder. “It’s more complicated than that, Sirius.”

“Since _when,_ Professor?” I repeat.

He sighs. “When he was born,” he says, “Fenrir Greyback bit him. Remus didn’t die, like a newborn should have. He simply _changed_.”

I suddenly feel an ache in my chest. Fuck. Remus is strong. He survived a fucking werewolf bite when he was only a newborn. Fuck. FUCK. This is all too much.

“Are you alright, Sirius?”

Dumbledore’s hand is still on my shoulder. I can’t breathe. Marlene’s dead. She died. Six days ago. Remus is a fucking werewolf. He always has been, as it turns out, and he has burdened this bullshit all by himself when he could’ve told everyone and I could help him and be kind to him instead of this bastard I am to him always— fuck. Fuck this. I shrug Dumbledore off and turn around to leave.

“Yes,” I breathe heavily like I’m running a marathon, “I’m okay. I have to go, Professor. Sorry to bother you.”

And I leave without waiting for him to say anything else.

—

I don’t know what I was thinking when I left Dumbledore’s office. I don’t remember what I was thinking, actually.

Sneaking alcohol inside the school is strictly forbidden. Not that I care about the rules. But this time, I should’ve obeyed the rules, because I stay with Remus now. Me sneaking alcohol inside the room meant Remus getting in trouble, too.

But I didn’t care at that point, I guess. And now I’m drunk. So fucking drunk.

I’m lying on my bed, eyes on the ceiling— it’s probably 4 in the morning. Or maybe 5. Remus still hasn’t returned. I’m thinking about what he’s doing right now, and how hard it must be to turn into a werewolf and then back into a human, how hard it must feel. I can’t help but think what I would do in Remus’ situation. I don’t like the thoughts that come to my mind.

I don’t like how out of control this shit is getting.

When the door opens very harshly, with Remus stumbling in and holding the door like a shield, I look up and stare at him. His cheek is bleeding. He looks so fucking good. “Welcome home,” I murmur, then drop my head back onto the mattress.

He comes closer to me. He can’t walk properly. “Are you _drunk_?” He asks.

I grin and close my eyes. “Aren’t we all?”

He gets all serious and frowns at me. “No, we aren’t,” he replies. “Sober up. Getting expelled because of you is the last thing I want.”

I open my eyes then and look at him. He’s standing next to my bed, hands on both sides of his waist, eyes looking desperate and angry. I grin. Not because I like teasing him, but because I want to _try_. And I’m drunk. “I made out with someone,” I blurt out.

He looks alerted. “ _Here?_ ”

I smile. How little he thinks of me. “No, dumbass,” I say. I close my eyes and remember the moment. “In the halls. Like an hour ago. Or two hours ago. T’was nice.”

He’s still standing beside my bed. “Really?” He asks. “I thought you— you—” He hesitates. I don’t say anything. He continues, “Never mind. Who’s the unlucky girl?”

I laugh. I don’t like laughing, but I can’t help it. It sounds like a fake movie laugh— _Ha ha ha._ I open my eyes and look at him. “For someone who’s way too obsessed with me, you don’t know shit.”

He folds his arms together. He raises an eyebrow. Gosh, he looks good. “I’m not obsessed with you,” he says, defensive as always. “And I thought… I thought you…”

“I _what_?” I ask.

“I thought you and Marlene were together.”

 _Marlene._ Her name aches my heart. I try not to think about it. It’s just a name, it’s just a name. Marlene’s fine, she’s sleeping in her Gryffindor room, she’s _not_ dead. I imagine that. I try to focus on the good. I’m drunk. I got drunk to forget about this shit. I didn’t get drunk to remember her. “No,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” he replies immediately. He’s frowning. Probably at himself. “I shouldn’t have mentioned her—”

“She was my _friend_ ,” I say. _Don’t talk about her, don’t talk about her._ “We weren’t together. No.”

Remus doesn’t say anything.

Then, I feel someone holding my legs and moving them. I look up. It’s him. He takes my legs and moves them to the other side so he can sit on the bed, too. _My_ bed. He’s sitting on _my_ bed. “Tell me about this girl you made out with, then,” he says, all casual.

I laugh again. This time, it’s quieter, a reserved laugh, all to myself. _He doesn’t know,_ I think. He’s _that_ fucking clueless, isn’t he?

When I don’t say anything, he frowns. With his angry voice, he asks, “What’s so funny?”

“I’m gay, Remus.” I say.

He doesn’t reply. _I fucked it up,_ I think. I know I did. It feels like I did. I open my eyes, but I don’t look at him. I stare at the ceiling.

“Oh,” he says finally. “Really?”

I still don’t look at him. “Yeah, _really,_ ” I mock him. “You can add this info to your diary now. _Dear diary,”_ I say in an angelic, Remus-like voice, “ _Today, I learned that Sirius is into di—”_

He shoves my legs and stands up. I look at him. He rolls his eyes and walks to his bed. “You’re a piece of shit,” he says, but he doesn’t sound as hateful as he normally does.

I grin at him. “You like that.”

“No, I don’t,” he says. “Take your boots off and sleep.”

I look down at my boots, and it looks like a year’s work to get them off. I’m too drunk. And too tired. And I realize, right then, that my lips are chapped. And I really made out with a guy. I don’t remember his name. “You didn’t ask me the guy’s name.” I say as he’s undressing himself.

He looks at me. “What guy?” He asks, still irritated.

“The guy I made out with.”

He makes a sound like _Ughhhh_ or _Ahhhh_. “I don’t really care.”

“ _Really?”_ I ask in his voice.

He looks away. He gets inside the bed with his boxers and a white t-shirt. “Really,” he says. “Sleep. Now.”

I look at him one last time, then stand up and take my boots off. I shut the lights and go straight to bed with my black jeans and black t-shirt. I don’t really care about what I’m wearing, honestly. I might be drunk, but I promise myself to remember this conversation. _Don’t you fucking forget it,_ I tell myself.

And then I sleep.


End file.
